doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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