Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
