I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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