hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
