would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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