i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Sober January is a disaster.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
