And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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