i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So vagazzling was a success
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
