Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
