i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
