Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
