He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
