Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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