just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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