totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
