someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
