I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
