my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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