you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I intend to get homeless drunk
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
