did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
