I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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