so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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