The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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