It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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