If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
