There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
