you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
