it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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