I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
