yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
