The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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