I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have fence marks all over my body
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
