What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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