Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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