i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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