I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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