at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
