hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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