So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
