Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
