The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
