remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
