i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
