I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
