It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
