Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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