I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They are going to name an STD after you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
