I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
