he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
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