If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
