Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
