i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
