She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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