he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The Olympian is in my bed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
