How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
