My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
